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Cover Letters from Hell, Missives from the Hiring Trenches

By Roberta Rosenberg on Oct 8, 2006 in DM Copy Tips & Tools, Occasional Rantings, Working with Clients

I saw this link on a local Washington-area publishing professionals listgroup. Go ahead and read all the excerpts and passages from guaranteed-genuine cover letters and correspondence received by Killian Advertising.

Cover Letters from Hell. Go ahead, I’ll wait …

Awful, ain’t they?

Sometimes I wonder if I really am the hot-shot copywriter I think I
am or is everyone else around me completely incapable of writing a
cogent, simple, typo-free, grammar-loving sentence.

The scary part is that so many of these cover letters were
written by college students seeking jobs in advertising. Now I
understand why so much of today’s advertising sucks.

Too much trading on irony, preciousness and self-conscious "creativity" — and not enough interest and attention to the hard, thinking work of crafting effective, on-point
marketing messages. You can’t jolly people
into giving up their $$$ and precious personal information. You can’t
motivate customer desire with an "aren’t we special" corporate attitude or
advertising snarkiness.

And yes, Virginia. Even with the creative license copywriters should
use and enjoy, there’s no excuse for typo-ridden, grammar-free
marketing missives. Don’t forget, neatness counts, too.

So read and re-read these examples of cover letter horror … and
learn. I’ve written about writing to the reader’s self-interest many
times — and that includes resume writing, as well. No employer (or
client) is going to give a rat’s patootie about how special you are
EXCEPT in how all that specialness will benefit them. You’re a solution
to a problem. Show ‘em how you’re the BEST solution and be prepared to
prove it.

Maven’s Maxim
There’s a lot of crappy, godawful writing
happening out there. Your ability to craft clear, credible sentences
and string them together in a meaningful way will put you way ahead of
the pack of the other wanna-bes out there. Just make sure you
proof-read your work before sending :=)