(In this case, I knew the reason was going to be a sensitive one, similar to returning a crib still in the box to the baby store. After 10 years of etailing, I learned when and when not to ask - “Is there a reason for your cancellation today?”)

My experience meant bupkis (Yiddish for ‘nothing’) because this customer needed me to ask the question so she could unload her sorrow on me. (”Lady, I’m just a retailer. I sell stuff! And now I really gotta get back to my generic subscription renewal series because I’m on deadline.”)

If customer service in this country sucks, it sucks, in small part, because we’re training consumers to anticipate bad customer service, deep suspicious grilling when trying to return or cancel an order, or worse, ‘magical’ customer service.

Why magical? Because in my mea culpa letter to the customer who felt ill-served, I actually apologized FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO READ HER MIND. I didn’t write that, of course, but that, indeed was the subtext.

When I worked in my first copywriting job, I was given the task of writing what we called the ‘Ooops” letters for customer service. I wrote mostly generic letters but occasionally had to craft them custom. I was given this task because I wrote them in a sincere and soothing manner.

My bosses loved them because I turned customer frowns upside down just like Mary Tyler Moore. I had one boss who wanted me to write his own note for him on his own father’s Father’s Day card because he didn’t like his father but didn’t want him to know.

But the nice thing about the B2B book business was that I never found myself apologizing for not having been born with supernatural powers.

Of course, I still write them with the same sincere, soothing tone. I showed my husband the original email and my reply. “Welcome to a little glimpse of my world, baby.” He said he admired my restraint. He couldn’t have done it.

But I can because, to paraphase Jon Lovitz in his over-the-top performance of the deliciously haughty, hack thespian, “I am a copywriter!”

Ok, copywriter colleagues, what’s your favorite “written through clenched teeth” piece? The floor is open. Mojitos all around.

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• My favorite resource on landing pages - The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff) - ON SALE NOW

Hard to believe I wrote most of all that!

Bookmark it now and keep it handy for ready reference. You just never know when you’ll need a helping hand on your next landing page project. Or you can just contact me directly. I hardly ever leave the confines of my basement isolation cell.

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• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)

Check out VisuWords for a particular well-done and FREE online visual thesaurus/dictionary. The various definitions of “Maven” grew my pretty little posey you see here.

And if you’re in the mood, please check out my 11th and final landing page makeover at Copyblogger.

No worries, I’m putting the finishing touches on my new Creative Plan makeover series. Watch for details by Valentine’s Day.

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• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)

[tags] landing page makeovers, copyblogger, copywriting maven, visuwords, graphical dictionaries [/tags]

You’ll notice a slightly different style and a mention of my new direction for a brand-new series in 2008, also via Copyblogger.

(There’s actually one more in the hopper which seems to have gotten lost somehow in the madness of 4Q07. I’ll co-post my critique - and yes, that’s all she wrote folks, as well.)

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• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages, Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)

[tags] landing pages, writing landing pages, designing landing pages, copywriting maven makeovers [/tags]

Good thoughts all and you can read it here: Copywriting Maven’s Landing Page Makeover Clinic #9: The Four Ps of Podcasting

On a side but related note: I have one more landing page makeover to do and I’m closing the Copyblogger series. I’m not abandoning the makeovers, but I’m looking to do the most good with them. Landing pages are tactics. I think it’s time to turn my attention to strategy. Watch this space for details early in 2008.

I promise a lot of fun and information.

• Enjoyed this post? Get free updates by email or RSS
• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages, Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)

[tags] copyblogger, landing pages, landing page makeovers, copywriting maven, 4 ps of podcasting, podcasting, podcasts [/tags]