The Copywriting Maven

Parody for a Friday afternoon …

photo credit: SDCDeaCerte

Directly from my spam filter. Every word guaranteed genuine authentic.

Subj Head:

“If you had a gold fish, you would ask for a bigger instrument.”

Text:

“Don’t miss your chance to become a real macho and by that we mean increasing your male dimensions. As nothing adds more masculinity to his style as decent size in his pants.”

“A decent size in his pants.” Absolutely.

“Are stupid marketers born or made, I say YES.”

Thanks to Terri Rylander at B2B Marcom Mind Blog for finding this hilarious vid. If you see a little of yourself in this “The Office-esque” clip, well … stop it and get real for goodness sakes!

photo credit: Lili Vieira de Carvalho

Last week, I turned a client down because, in my deepest heart of hearts, I believed his business plan was  flawed and I saw no way I could help him meet his sales goals for his new product and web business.

I turned down what could have been a nice lump o’ dough.

I did try to find a way to work with him. I asked him to think about reframing his goals in light of the economy and the difficulty in selling consumer web apps that are replicated free elsewhere — porn and IPhone apps aside. I asked him to consider a different way of looking at this assets and consider additional ways of monetizing them.

Thanks, but no, thanks, Roberta.

I turned him down because I didn’t see how I could be successful on the path presented. I turned him down because I didn’t want to burn through his dough and then shrug at him, “Oh, well…”, and move blithely on to my next marketing adventure.

I’m not a risk-taker, despite my entrepreneurial instincts. I always play the short odds for my own businesses and when evaluating taking on a new client. I have to believe in the project’s potential for success. Sort of like any important relationship really. I have to be able to see a happy, fulfilling future ahead or not engage at all.

Maybe it’s a girl thing, but at the end of the day, I want the client to like me, feeling well-served, and I want to feel like the smartest smarty in class. When my clients are successful, I happy. When a client isn’t successful, I sad. In both cases, I take responsibility.

(Hmm, maybe I have boundary issues.)

Ultimately, though, I believe it would be unethical of me to take this guy’s money. I’m not a believer. If I’m not a believer then there’s no way I can be a genuine, passionate, enthusiastic advocate for the product — and that’s key. 

Saying no doesn’t make me a saint, mind you. (Believe me, I was tempted. Afterall, I have a daughter looking to start college in Fall 2010.) It’s the height of selfishness really. I only want to garden where I have a solid chance of reaping a decent harvest, for me and my client.

Why? Because I’m also incredibly lazy and hate moving a single mental muscle unless it’s gonna get me somewhere good.

What about you? Have you turned down work, too, or would you? Or have you just smiled and said, “Oky Doky!” (No judgement from me. We’re all friends here.

The last segment is completely killer.