The Copywriting Maven

Today I had to write a ‘mea culpa’ email to a customer who chewed me out because I didn’t ask her why she wanted to cancel her gift order and just accepted the cancellation without comment.

(In this case, I knew the reason was going to be a sensitive one, similar to returning a crib still in the box to the baby store. After 10 years of etailing, I learned when and when not to ask - “Is there a reason for your cancellation today?”)

My experience meant bupkis (Yiddish for ‘nothing’) because this customer needed me to ask the question so she could unload her sorrow on me. (”Lady, I’m just a retailer. I sell stuff! And now I really gotta get back to my generic subscription renewal series because I’m on deadline.”)

If customer service in this country sucks, it sucks, in small part, because we’re training consumers to anticipate bad customer service, deep suspicious grilling when trying to return or cancel an order, or worse, ‘magical’ customer service.

Why magical? Because in my mea culpa letter to the customer who felt ill-served, I actually apologized FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO READ HER MIND. I didn’t write that, of course, but that, indeed was the subtext.

When I worked in my first copywriting job, I was given the task of writing what we called the ‘Ooops” letters for customer service. I wrote mostly generic letters but occasionally had to craft them custom. I was given this task because I wrote them in a sincere and soothing manner.

My bosses loved them because I turned customer frowns upside down just like Mary Tyler Moore. I had one boss who wanted me to write his own note for him on his own father’s Father’s Day card because he didn’t like his father but didn’t want him to know.

But the nice thing about the B2B book business was that I never found myself apologizing for not having been born with supernatural powers.

Of course, I still write them with the same sincere, soothing tone. I showed my husband the original email and my reply. “Welcome to a little glimpse of my world, baby.” He said he admired my restraint. He couldn’t have done it.

But I can because, to paraphase Jon Lovitz in his over-the-top performance of the deliciously haughty, hack thespian, “I am a copywriter!”

Ok, copywriter colleagues, what’s your favorite “written through clenched teeth” piece? The floor is open. Mojitos all around.

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• My favorite resource on landing pages - The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff) - ON SALE NOW

I just received a note from the good folks at Marketing Sherpa. They’re moving their office and don’t want to move more books than they have to. (I moved 3 years ago. Still have unpacked boxes. I feel their pain.)

The upside for you? 30% off their best-selling references, even my beloved and much recommended Landing Page Handbook. So here’s the deal:

For the next 72 hours (starting like right now) you get a 30% discount on ANY Marketing Sherpa Report, Handbook or Guide.  There are no order limits!

- B-to-B Lead Generation Handbook

- 2008 Landing Page Handbook

- 2009 Search Marketing Benchmark Guide

- 2008 The Online Advertising Handbook + Benchmarks

- 2008 Email Marketing Benchmark Guide (very limited quantity left!)

(Yes, I get a spiff but you get 30% off. Everybody gets something and maybe I can afford to buy school supplies for 3 kids next week. Do you KNOW how much it costs to get 3 kids - a high schooler, a middle schooler, and yes, a grade schooler - outfitted for the next school year? As my grandmother used to say, “You shouldn’t know from it.”)

• Enjoyed this post? Subscribe to The Copywriting Maven by email or RSS
• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• My favorite resource on landing pages - The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)

Quick drive-by post today … Direct from Dover Publications, the folks who specialize in paper doll books, I bring you:

• McCain & Obama Election Paper Dolls
• If you’re still mourning over Hillary’s loss, you can find Hil, Bill and Chelsea’s book here, too.

I know what I’m giving my kids for Labor Day this year! Okay, back to the paying work.

In the copywriting course I teach, there’s an example of a texas fruitcake bakery that reframed its product with a brand-new name - Texas Pecan Cake - as a way of moving past all that holiday snittering about well, fruitcake.

That was some pretty smart marketing.

Last night, after getting some pretty snazzy, raspberry-colored new glasses from Costco, hubby and I decided to grab a quick bite at the nearby Mimi’s Cafe. Checking out the menu I noticed that they didn’t have a Senior’s Menu (not that I look at it or anything), but they did have something called the “Just Enough” menu. A few select meals served between 4pm and 6pm.

Wow, talk about reframing! Brilliant!

I actually reviewed the menu based on how hungry I was, not my preconceived and oh-so-amusing notions about senior menus and portions. Important as I edge toward age 55 land. (Ever notice in surveys the categories for the mid-years end at age 54?)

::gulp::

On a completely unrelated note, it’s Friday. Who wants to see a photo of my in my snazzy new glasses? Feel free to raise a hand in the comment section.

• Enjoyed this post? Subscribe to The Copywriting Maven by email or RSS
• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• My favorite resource on landing pages - The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)

Back from vacation and I find not one, not two, but three different promotions from Capital One Small Business touting their Visa Business Platinum card. Since carriers are the gate keepers to the rest of the promotions, we’ll confine our votes accordingly.

Here we go:

Contestant 1: 9-1/2 x 6, yellow kraft, shipping label effect.

Standard Capital One corner card, presort indicia. “For Business Owner:” along with usual postal stuff and name/address is inkjetted. (Note this is another bubble wrap, lumpy mail promo but the bubble wrap seems slightly slimmer.) No teaser.

Contestant 2: #10, white, dark teal color bar across the top.

Over-sized left window. Same verbiage as shipping label above. No bubble wrap or other lumpiness in envelope noted. No teaser.

Contestant 3: #10, white, dark teal arrow bar under over-sized left window.

Arrow points to right-side teaser: VISA BUSINESS PLATINUM CARD in small point size. 0% until Nov. 2009 in big point size. Arrow copy: Save on purchases AND transfers for up to 15 MONTHS. Same label verbiage. Recipient can feel card-sized lump in envelope under teaser.

Okay, gang. Go with your gut and tell me which one would get you to open it. Next contest … choose the most successful headline-same promo series.

• Enjoyed this post? Subscribe to The Copywriting Maven by email or RSS
• Need a copy critique or a consult? Contact the Maven
• My favorite resource on landing pages - The ultimate guide to writing and designing effective landing pages - Marketing Sherpa’s Landing Page Handbook, 2008 (aff)